"Self-love is, no doubt, the usual foundation of human jealousy...the fear lest another should by any means supplant us." -Charles Spurgeon
As they danced, they sang: “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” Saul was very angry; this refrain displeased him greatly. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?" And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David. -1 Samuel 18:7-9
I don't think there's yet to be a human on this Earth that has not experienced jealousy at one time or another. Cain was jealous of his brother Abel, Leah of her sister Rachael, King Saul of his servant David, even the church of Corinth over the different ministers within its walls (1 Cor 3:3-4). Jealousy is much more common a sin than we think yet one that oftentimes goes unacknowledged, unnoticed, or disguised underneath layers of anger and resentment. Is jealousy simply a part of being human or should we look in God's holy mirror, the Scriptures, and find the cure for it and healing for our souls? I truly believe that the Bible has the answer and remedy for every single human sin and hurt if we simply spend the time needed to find the answer! The death and resurrection of Jesus did not simply make a way for us to endure this life but to have a more abundant life. But to have that more abundant life that our Lord promises us, there are some issues of our soul that we must deal with...and one of those is jealousy.
Be honest: Who's your favorite?
If you have children, siblings or have ever had to share anything, you will quickly learn how easily jealousy can creep into our lives. It's amazing to me how often we think we have outgrown certain child-like behaviours only to find ourselves at 30 acting exactly like we did when we were 3 years old. When children are particularly young, they will typically fight amongst each other for the love and attention of their parents. Many times even accusing their parent of playing favorites. It is only as we grow and mature that we learn that our parents never had favorites. They loved each one of us the same but their relationship with each child was different because each child is different. It was our limited knowledge and skewed perception of reality that painted for us a very different picture than what we originally thought it to be. The same can happen in our relationship with God. Oftentimes (though we'd be embarrassed to admit it) we sense that God has favorites. As we look around at the blessings and favor in the lives of other Christians, we begin to think that God must love them more than us. For how else can we explain why they received a promotion at work while we are struggling to make ends meet? Or why your small group leader just got engaged after only a month of dating yet you've been praying for a husband for several years with no answer. Seeing this seeming disparity amongst Christians will often give rise to feelings of jealousy and the default conclusion becomes God must love them more. Yet this could not be farther from the truth. This line of thinking is the result of a scarcity mentality that says "God's resources are limited, therefore if He chooses to bless my neighbor, there will be less for me!" But the Scriptures do not paint a picture of a poverty-stricken God. Quite the contrary, Psalm 50:10 tells us that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills and the book of Revelation shows us that even the streets of Heaven are made of gold. God's resources, much like His love, are endless. There is no scarcity in God's Kingdom! Simply because your neighbor is going through a season of plenty does not mean that yours isn't right around the corner! God has not forgotten you.
How much am I worth?
I think one of the reasons why we become jealous of others is due to our own insecurities and low self-worth. When we truly know who we are in Christ, who our Heavenly Father thinks we are, then it becomes easy to celebrate what God is doing in and for those around us. This is an area that I personally struggled with. Though I never said it and probably wouldn't have admitted it to anyone had I been asked, for years I honestly thought that I was trash! I saw myself as being subpar, ugly, unintelligent, and not really worth anything. It saddens me now to think that the vast majority of my life I saw myself this way. It was only until I looked in God's mirror that I was able to see myself for who God says I am. One of the Scriptures that God used to heal this inner view of myself is found in Ephesians 2:10 which says, "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." I cannot tell you how much hope this verse brought to my hurting soul. To think that I am valuable to my Father, that I really do have worth, and that He really does have a plan and purpose for my life was like water to a thirsty soul! Though I grew up in church and heard messages like this preached before, it was all just head knowledge. I was not yet convinced. It wasn't until the Holy Spirit pointed this verse out to me that the healing process truly began. My friend can I tell you something? The worth of an object is what a person is willing to pay for it, whether little or much. Your worth is in what the Father was willing to pay for you...the very life of His One and only Son, Jesus. You, my friend, are worth Jesus to the Father! That is how much you mean to Him. Everything that was dear to the Father He gave up to have you. Do you see how much you mean to Him? Only when you do, can you truly rejoice with those who rejoice and not be bitter nor jealous over their blessings.
The thief of joy.
It has often been said that comparison is the thief of joy. Comparing ourselves with those around us robs us of the joy we will experience when we learn to enjoy what we've been given. In both Old and New Testament, God always warned His people against the dangers of coveting. Coveting is a result of comparison. God is so adamant that we not covet that He made this the 10th and final commandment to us. The Lord knows the danger when we start to lust after the things, people, or even giftings/talents of others. One of the clearest examples of jealousy in the Bible is found in the life of Joseph and his brothers. It was jealousy that caused Joseph's ten brothers to throw him into a pit, sell him as a slave, and lie to their father about his whereabouts. Joseph's brothers became jealous over their father's love for him. After all it was quite evident to them that Jacob preferred Joseph over all of them combined. Joseph was the firstborn son of the woman he truly loved, the youngest of the clan at that point in time, and while the rest of them worked hard in the fields Joseph most likely stayed home spending quality time with his father. And if this were not enough, Joseph also had a beautiful hand-woven coat of many colors which was a visual mark of distinction amongst his brothers. This was all too much for his brothers to handle, so they planned to kill him and probably would've had God not intervened through Reuben (Gen 37:21-22). But I want you to pay particular attention to one (often neglected) detail within the story of Joseph and his brothers. Though Joseph was extremely favored and gifted, ultimately it was Judah not Joseph through whom the Messiah would come. In his parting blessings to his twelve sons, Jacob says the following to Judah "The scepter will not depart from Judah, nor the ruler's staff from between his feet..." (Gen 49:10) So many times we can be just like Joseph's brothers and become jealous of the gifts and talents of others that we fail to recognize our very own! God has given each one of us gifts, talents, and abilities to fulfill the specific calling on our lives. Ephesians 4:7-8 says this, "But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it says: “When he ascended on high, he took many captives and gave gifts to his people." It is important for us to always remember that God gives us gifts to use for His service and though the gifts and talents of others may appear better than ours from the outside looking in, we should also know that many times the use of those gifts are the direct result of suffering upon that person's life. So unless we desire to experience their suffering, we should not covet their gift!
Give thanks, always!
Reading the Psalms is much like riding a roller-coaster. There are glorious highs and bitter lows. Yet many of the Psalms highlight for us the importance of remaining thankful despite our circumstances. A posture of gratitude towards God is important because it helps in changing our focus off of what we do not have to what we do. God loves when we are able to offer up that sacrifice of praise (Heb 13:15). Gratitude is not something that's always easy for us to do. Sometimes it may be downright hard yet like many disciplines of the Christian faith, it is a choice. We must choose to look to God and His goodness despite what we see in the natural. Jealousy has no room in a heart filled with gratitude.
Final Thoughts...
Reader, if you have made it this far I pray that you realize how much the Lord loves you. Not only does He love you exactly the way you are but He so desires the healing of your soul. The healing that God offers us is not superficial but it is deep and lasting. My prayer is that you would make the choice today to seek God in His Word and prayer and that the Father would meet you there and bring the healing and freedom that only He can provide! Until next time dear reader and know that you are worth Jesus to the Father!
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